Jay
Jay Aaron Walton- June 19, 1965-June 7, 2020
(Photo by Briana Echols)
As I reflect on his death, it’s hard for me to remember the first time I met Jay because it feels like he has just always been around. I do know that it was in the early days of my journey into homeless ministry around 2013, about the same time I met Lois, Kim, Walker, Jeff, and Arthur; the OGs in my world. He fascinated me from the beginning and taught me so much about homelessness. Like many, when I first began to serve, I thought that I had all of the answers to step in and rescue people from homelessness. Step 1: Get cleaned up. Step 2: Get a job. Step 3: Get a place to live and VOILA! Homeless no more! It has taken a lot of humbling failures on my part for me to recognize my prideful heart and still to this day I can slip into that savior mentality. I’ve had to learn that the only savior is Jesus Christ and that my job isn’t to be “successful” in the world’s eyes but instead to be faithful.
That has been a slow learning process and Jay definitely helped me with some of the harder lessons. I remember one winter I was tasked with sourcing all of the supplies for night strikes. Sleeping bags, coats, hats, gloves, etc. I am kind of a gear junkie, so I was pumped! I scoured the internet to find the most innovative products to help the homeless survive the cold. One particular product was this amazing coat that turned into a sleeping bag. It was designed and made up in Detroit by people who were coming out of homelessness through an incredible program called the Empowerment Plan. It was super heavy duty, it rolled up and had a built-in carry strap; the Ferrari of coats for the homeless.
Jay had been MIA for a few months which was pretty standard procedure. He’d get out of jail looking healthy and ready to take on the world, but soon he’d fall back into drinking and get picked up for public intoxication within a few days (sometimes hours). Alcohol had a grip on his life all the way until the end and it was painful to watch. He was arrested at least 10 times for public intoxication in the time that I knew him.
Substance abuse is a complicated issue because it is most often woven together with other contributing factors. Many of our friends on the streets have fallen into addiction after becoming homeless for another reason. Sure we’ve met people that have become homeless because of addiction but I believe that the addiction statistics are so high in the homeless population because homelessness drives addiction. If you think about it, it’s easy to see why. Hopelessness, despair, boredom, self-protection, escape, lack of quality sleep, no access to healthcare, and many other things could lead nearly anybody to start self-medicating. None of that makes substance abuse right, but I’ll be the first to admit that if I were in their shoes, the only thing that would keep me from addiction would be the grace of God. Mental health is also entangled with addiction and for all of the front-line workers, these are very challenging barriers to help our friends overcome.
It was in one of his stints back out on the street during the winter that I ran into Jay at the Kent Kwik. It was late morning and the temperature was down in the 40s. Jay walked in wearing only a tattered short sleeve shirt and I thought to myself, “It’s your lucky day! I have just what you need!” and mentally patted myself on the back as I ran to the truck and grabbed him one of these incredible sleeping bag coats. When I gave it to him he said thanks, but it was unceremonious and I was pridefully disappointed that he didn’t seem to be very impressed. The next day when I went to check on him, he had no idea where the coat was, and later on that day he got picked up for public intoxication again after he nearly fell off the sidewalk into traffic. I thought I could solve his problems by meeting material needs, but to this day I continue to learn that homeless or not, the deepest human needs are relational and spiritual. Meeting material needs is important but for our work to truly be effective, we must move from immediate relief work into development work as soon as possible. I can help with material and relational needs, but only God can meet spiritual needs. The best thing I can do is point them to Him and love them as myself. There is a certain helplessness that we must all accept when it comes to helping others, but I am learning to embrace it as a freedom to strive with all my might in my limited capacity, accept my powerlessness, and trust the Lord.
It would be easy to look at Jay and throw up our hands and say that he was beyond hope; that he was just choosing to live that way and that was that. It would be easy to discount his value in a society that prizes achievement and performance. Jay was a friend to those who got to spend time with him, but a nobody in the eyes of this world. Regardless, nothing can change the fact that he had an inalienable dignity because he was created in the image of God. God used his life for good, but it was certainly not sunshine and roses. I could have given you a white-washed memorial of Jay, but the truth is that his life was tragic and heartbreaking. I think it’s important to lean into the sadness in order to understand how we can faithfully continue to labor with hope for the others God calls us to serve.
“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, or thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”
“AND SUCH WERE SOME OF YOU”
Anybody that knew Jay will tell you that he had at least one Bible with him at all times. He knew that God’s word had value, but the slavery of addiction raged against his efforts to follow Jesus. I tremble reading that passage when I think of Jay, but also when I think of myself. This was my story for many years too. And such was I, BUT…. Jesus. John Bradford, an english Reformer martyred under Queen Mary in 1555 made this famous quote earlier in his life when seeing a prisoner being led to execution, “There but for the grace of God go I.” May we all have that kind of humility to recognize God’s grace as our only hope.
I remember a note of gratitude Jay left to the folks at the Baptist Crisis Center. It was so kind and thoughtful. It was also some of the most beautiful cursive handwriting I have ever seen. He didn’t share much about his life though. I remember a couple of random facts he said one day. “I was on the swim team in junior high in El Paso… In high school I had a girlfriend named…Melissa or Annie…or something like that.” I could drive around town looking for him, and even if I didn’t find him I could find where he was staying. He had a particular way of setting up his spot that I lovingly refer to as his “pile”. When he was on the pile himself, he looked a bit like a monk in meditation. He loved my wife and kids even though he had a hard time remembering their names. He always had painted nails and I have no idea why. He would make earrings and jewelry out of stuff he found in the dumpster. He was always thankful for anything you gave him, but he was most grateful for your time.
I’ve heard many stories of people stopping to hand him a burger or some water and Jay not allowing them to leave until he prayed for them. Talk about a paradigm shift when you go to provide someone with a physical need only to leave with a soul-level need met by someone you imagined having nothing to offer. I remember a time when he was about three sheets to the wind and he asked someone with me if they knew Jesus. This person told him that they did not and he looked them in the face and said “Dude, the time is fulfilled, the kingdom of God is at hand: repent and believe the gospel dude”. I was challenged by His boldness, I was personally convicted, but I was also saddened that a man preaching repentance was well on his way to getting another public intoxication charge before 9am. I will probably have to live in the tension of that until the day that I die.
Sadly, there have been many similar situations with others who have died on the street. If I did not believe in the absolute sovereignty of God and my own inability to change the hearts of men, I’d have quit this ministry a long time ago. It would just be too much to bear. But I have seen the Lord do so many mighty things far beyond my ability. So, we will press on knowing that we are called to a radical and sacrificial love for the glory of God and rest in his peace.
Jay was a man created in the image of God, and he was loved by many of us. God used him to soften the hearts of countless people toward the homeless. He used Jay to teach me the valuable lesson that the calling of true poverty alleviation is more about spiritual and relational needs than it is about material needs. When I see something that looks like one of his piles, may it remind me to thank God for the life of my friend Jay Aaron Walton. I wish we could have welcomed him home.